The Difference Between As explained by Dale

I have devised this simple cultural test for aging boomers to help bridge the gap with the "younger" know-it-alls. The kids who look at us all as horribly old and wrinkled, smelly decrepit, confused fuddy duddies.

You would have had to really lived a life to get all of these references and they should give solace to those of us who have a hard time naming that actor or politician on TV.

It ain't age - it's the volume of unnecessary info that we are already storing. Be proud that you actually know so much stuff and watch the young squirm with blank stares as you ask them in 10 seconds to explain the difference between...

Fatty Arbuckle and Minnesota Fats
Neal Diamond and Neal Armstrong
Zooey Glass and Ira Glass
Dr. John and Dr. Drew
Gary Cooper and Anderson Cooper
Strained through a leslie and Leslie Nielsen
Walter Pigeon and Charlie Byrd
Bob Crane and Bo Derek
Gene Simmons and Richard Simmons
Johnny Rivers and Joan Rivers
Zoot Sims and a Sim Card
Charleston SC and Charleston WV
James Dean and Jimmy Dean
Paul Newman and Cardinal Newman
George Clinton and Bill Clinton
Ma Perkins and Tony Perkins
Harrison Ford and Henry Ford
Chet Baker and Jim Baker


O.K. You get the picture. Rest assured, there are facts only you know...and you would probably win on Jeopardy.

Alexander King

Alexander King was one of my childhood heros. He used to appear with Jack Paar on the Tonight Show and tell stories about being an artist and an addict. He wrote three good books that touched a lot of lives. He also translated Peter Altenberg's "Evocation of Love." All worth your time if you can find copies. I have been on the road observing pieces of America and re-reading King's last book "I should Have Kissed Her More." It is about the people who might show up at his funeral. It is also an essay about preparing for death and how much he loved his life and his young wife. She was the kind of woman who would indulge him and take off her top just to let him enjoy her beauty while she was doing housework. She was beautiful and he was more than 30 years older but they were best friends.

Do you ever wonder if you’re going to last for one more day? I guess that's a meditation reserved only for those few who can actually imagine an end to their own time on the planet. It takes humility and a little humor to stay on that subject for more than a few moments. For most it is too morbid, too negative and maybe too sad. For some it is just simple reality. The thought has always been close to the surface in my life, even as a very young child. It has been part of what has driven me to follow my own path. Having been close to death a few times since childhood I have always felt that I have been given these bonus years as an unexpected gift.

When I am feeling good the old Native American phrase comes to mind: Today is a good day to die. I accept the unfolding wonders of the trip and try to keep my eyes wide open. Some days, when I am feeling lost, alone or abandoned, the awareness of death and the fragility of life hits hard, like a runaway truck loaded with shit bombs.

Even if I ignore the math and assume I will be a lucky one who lives another 20 plus years, I know, with my family history, the odds are not fantastic - at least from an actuarial standpoint. You can't wish the odds away and that is how insurance companies win when betting against your life. Hey, it's just business.

This cold truth can "harsh your buzz" and dampen enthusiasm. Maintaining enthusiasm amidst the slings and arrows of existence seems to be the one secret to a truly joyful life. That and maybe having a young partner. If you live your life according to common expectations about age you are already almost dead. A lot of people my age think old, act old and really feel old. I have a hard time relating to them and they don't seem to like me much either.

On the 23rd of March I had a birthday and as a present to myself I hit the road to do some exploring. I wanted have dinner with a few friends who are spread around the country. Most younger, some older. I also took the opportunity to talk with lots of different people, strangers, street musicians, store clerks, homeless philosophers and kids. Despite the crazy talk that dominates some media, I am most impressed by America's young people. Nice, intelligent and sometimes creative kids who want to do the right thing with their time on the planet. And they really don't buy into all the old divide and conquer social status stuff. Maybe that's why Alexander King wrote his book about dying for his young wife. He was filled with absolute joy having some time to share with her but knew it would be a short beautiful ride. He wanted to leave her with a few words of wisdom about how to move on and express his gratitude for it all. I've always wondered how she fared after he was gone. I hope she did better than expected and found another lover who worshiped her. We all should be so lucky.

American Reality

While buying a guacamole cheeseburger at a diner in Greenwich CT, the server indulged my bad Spanish and graciously explained the difference between some common Italian, Spanish and English terms. Nice.

A Guatemalan immigrant, he’s been working the kitchen trade for years. After learning English by watching television, and then working for five years in an Italian restaurant, he went from bi-lingual to tri-lingual. His fluency and depth of knowledge was impressive.

It was late and the joint was deserted so he gave us plenty of conversation and attention. I kept asking questions and he answered them all patiently and sincerely. I do that sometimes – old radio interview habits die hard and I’ve always wanted Studs Terkel’s career.

Studs said: "I want people to talk to one another no matter what their difference of opinion might be...That's what we're missing. We're missing argument. We're missing debate. We're missing colloquy. We're missing all sorts of things. Instead, we're accepting."

I see these situations as an opportunity to set an example for my son who is growing up in a very privileged neighborhood. Kids in his world don’t often get to really talk to Americans who haven’t had all the advantages. Good people who work hard for a living.

My son has asked me about my lower middle class childhood, but it is so far removed from his own reality I don’t know how much of it can be understood. His class trip this year will be a week long vacation in Costa Rica. My only class trip was a bus ride across town to another crappy school.

I was once a kitchen helper. Making minimum wage among the minority kitchen crew was my introduction to the real world at age 16. It was hard, tedious work and the management was cruel, offensive and racist. I was the only white worker and had the least amount of experience. The experienced crew never made me feel unwelcome or anything less than a fellow victim of an angry white kitchen manager who was dumb as a stump.

The people in that kitchen, who had no reason to give me the benefit of the doubt, treated me with unusual kindness. They helped me learn at every turn and even fed me extra food, breaking the boss man’s strict rules, because they knew I might otherwise go hungry. We were all just people making minimum wage and trying to be nice to each other in an oppressive environment.

I learned a lot in that place and when I meet people like our server from Guatemala I delight in going deep to learn about their world. Survival in this economy can’t be easy for anybody and the pressures can be intense.

(While volunteering at a homeless shelter part of my work was helping people find minimum wage jobs. In my limited experience I think it may be harder today than it was when I was a kid.)

So now, I’m watching my son laugh and joke, and speak another language, with a man who made his way from a world of poverty over two thousand miles away, to find a new life in America serving meals in a town that is one of the richest in the world. American Reality.

There are a lot of really wealthy people in that town and I’ll probably never meet any of them. That is not a big deal to me. Few of them will ever meet the man in the kitchen who speaks three languages. Their loss.

Truly Funny Stuff From Netflix

Kevin Smith: Too Fat for 40

I rented this from NetFlix and was very impressed. If you like listening to funny overweight guys in oversized hockey shirts, buy some snacks and enjoy. He says he doesn't do stand-up but he is a real story teller with a perfect sense of timing. I imagine this is what it was like being there for Mark Twain doing his travel stories to packed opera houses.

Louis C. K. will make you laugh out loud too.

Listening to these guys for the very first time is a joy you know you can never experience again. Like seeing George Carlin or Bill Cosby for the first time when I was a kid while watching Jack Parr or early Carson.

The impact stays with you.

Part of it is the delight of discovery. The WOW thing. It is good to know that new talent always comes along and can still surprise me.

I Had that feeling with "Flight of the Conchords" too.