Alexander King was one of my childhood heros. He used to appear with Jack Paar on the Tonight Show and tell stories about being an artist and an addict. He wrote three good books that touched a lot of lives. He also translated Peter Altenberg's "Evocation of Love." All worth your time if you can find copies. I have been on the road observing pieces of America and re-reading King's last book "I should Have Kissed Her More." It is about the people who might show up at his funeral. It is also an essay about preparing for death and how much he loved his life and his young wife. She was the kind of woman who would indulge him and take off her top just to let him enjoy her beauty while she was doing housework. She was beautiful and he was more than 30 years older but they were best friends.
Do you ever wonder if you’re going to last for one more day? I guess that's a meditation reserved only for those few who can actually imagine an end to their own time on the planet. It takes humility and a little humor to stay on that subject for more than a few moments. For most it is too morbid, too negative and maybe too sad. For some it is just simple reality. The thought has always been close to the surface in my life, even as a very young child. It has been part of what has driven me to follow my own path. Having been close to death a few times since childhood I have always felt that I have been given these bonus years as an unexpected gift.
When I am feeling good the old Native American phrase comes to mind: Today is a good day to die. I accept the unfolding wonders of the trip and try to keep my eyes wide open. Some days, when I am feeling lost, alone or abandoned, the awareness of death and the fragility of life hits hard, like a runaway truck loaded with shit bombs.
Even if I ignore the math and assume I will be a lucky one who lives another 20 plus years, I know, with my family history, the odds are not fantastic - at least from an actuarial standpoint. You can't wish the odds away and that is how insurance companies win when betting against your life. Hey, it's just business.
This cold truth can "harsh your buzz" and dampen enthusiasm. Maintaining enthusiasm amidst the slings and arrows of existence seems to be the one secret to a truly joyful life. That and maybe having a young partner. If you live your life according to common expectations about age you are already almost dead. A lot of people my age think old, act old and really feel old. I have a hard time relating to them and they don't seem to like me much either.
On the 23rd of March I had a birthday and as a present to myself I hit the road to do some exploring. I wanted have dinner with a few friends who are spread around the country. Most younger, some older. I also took the opportunity to talk with lots of different people, strangers, street musicians, store clerks, homeless philosophers and kids. Despite the crazy talk that dominates some media, I am most impressed by America's young people. Nice, intelligent and sometimes creative kids who want to do the right thing with their time on the planet. And they really don't buy into all the old divide and conquer social status stuff. Maybe that's why Alexander King wrote his book about dying for his young wife. He was filled with absolute joy having some time to share with her but knew it would be a short beautiful ride. He wanted to leave her with a few words of wisdom about how to move on and express his gratitude for it all. I've always wondered how she fared after he was gone. I hope she did better than expected and found another lover who worshiped her. We all should be so lucky.
